The Tailgate Blog

I ran across the Lenoir-Rhyne College Football Tailgating Etiquette today. I am a realist. I understand the need for everyone to follow a set of social norms so that we all get along. However, the “Etiquette” at Lenoir-Rhyne seriously takes the fun out of tailgating. Let’s go through these shall we?

1. No Gas Power Generators Allowed. (For safety reasons.) Now come on. Aren’t there gas powered cars everywhere in the parking lot already? If they said no open gas cans, then I am on board.

2. No Kegs, Grills (5-10 gallon Propane Tanks Only) No kegs? Say what? Can someone explain to me the difference in a keg of beer and stacking 48 cans in a cooler?

3. No Glass Containers. Ok, this one I agree with whole-heartedly. It never fails at a tailgate. Some random jackass will proceed to drink too many and start tossing his bottles down in the middle of the lot.

4. Tents In Grass Areas Only. (Due to space limitations.) I have never been to Lenoir-Rhyne College. In fact, I wouldn’t know it if I drove up to the front and puked on the dean. Nevertheless, I have been in my fair share of parking lots for tailgating and I just don’t get this one. So you throw up a 10×10 “tent” to shade yourself and your neighbors. Seems like you are doing everyone a favor to me. What are they going to do? Pack everyone in there so tight you can’t walk between vehicles?

5. No External Stereo Systems (House Stereos) Allowed. Ummm. Do you really think that has any affect in a parking lot where RVs and automobiles can blast radios anyway? This is just one of those things that regulates itself. Not to mention all the “portable” radios with 500 gigawatts of power anyway.

6. Attend The Game. (Tailgating parties suspended at start of game.) I know you are a small school and you need attendance and all, but don’t you think this is setting everyone up for robbery?

7. Behavior. Be respectful to other tailgaters around you. Ok, I agree. Move along.

8. Miscellaneous. Bag your trash, no alcohol in the game, get a designated driver, and provide adequate food for the amount of alcohol being served. Bwaaah? Listen here brother. There is no amount of food that would be sufficient to counteract the alcohol at my tailgates. Maybe it’s just me.

9. Emergencies. In case of emergency call Lenoir-Rhyne Security OR dial 911. Let’s see. My car has just been stolen while I was at the game. A malcontent with a gas powered generator and power saw tore off my door, threw in my neighbors “portable” stereo, and sped through the quad tearing down tents on his way to get a keg. WTF is Lenoir-Rhyne Security going to do for me?